I should have done cartwheels‏

I’m walking home minding my own business, enjoying the mid-afternoon sun thinking.

[cue dramatic music]

I see an aunty I am somehow related to walking towards me. I half-smile in case she recognises me but am hoping I can walk past her without a conversation. Fail. I really should have pretended to be tree or done cartwheels as we passed each other.

Aunty: Hello.

Me: Hello.

Aunty: I was hoping to bump into you

[‘Uh oh‘, I think, this isn’t going to be good]

Aunty: So, how are your studies?

[Yay, I knew using sunscreen as a teenager would benefit me one day. I look so very young! Haha. Win.]

Me: They’re OK. [I don’t correct her as its rude to talk back to elders especially when they are inadvertently complimenting you]

Aunty: How are your big studies?

[I haven’t clue what she means by this but I mumble an answer. She must have confused me with someone else.]

Aunty: So, when are you getting married?

Me: When I find a decent guy [Or Bradley Cooper decides he wants to marry me].

Aunty: Well you need a man who doesn’t drink, isn’t addicted to drugs and doesn’t go out.

[Or is Bradley Cooper!!!]

Me: [Blank impression]

Aunty: My nephew from India is a very good boy.

Me:[Silence]

Aunty: He calls us and doesn’t use the phone bill at all, he just asks how we are and then hangs up.

I am backing away and trying to be polite.

Me: OK, I’m OK, thank you. Bye bye.

Aunty and I walk away from each other.

We are about 5 metres apart.

Aunty shouts: Your time is now!

[Hell yes it truly is!]