I’m walking home minding my own business, enjoying the mid-afternoon sun thinking.
[cue dramatic music]
I see an aunty I am somehow related to walking towards me. I half-smile in case she recognises me but am hoping I can walk past her without a conversation. Fail. I really should have pretended to be tree or done cartwheels as we passed each other.
Aunty: I was hoping to bump into you
[‘Uh oh‘, I think, this isn’t going to be good]
Aunty: So, how are your studies?
[Yay, I knew using sunscreen as a teenager would benefit me one day. I look so very young! Haha. Win.]
Me: They’re OK. [I don’t correct her as its rude to talk back to elders especially when they are inadvertently complimenting you]
Aunty: How are your big studies?
[I haven’t clue what she means by this but I mumble an answer. She must have confused me with someone else.]
Aunty: So, when are you getting married?
Me: When I find a decent guy [Or Bradley Cooper decides he wants to marry me].
Aunty: Well you need a man who doesn’t drink, isn’t addicted to drugs and doesn’t go out.
[Or is Bradley Cooper!!!]
Me: [Blank impression]
Aunty: My nephew from India is a very good boy.
Aunty: He calls us and doesn’t use the phone bill at all, he just asks how we are and then hangs up.
I am backing away and trying to be polite.
Me: OK, I’m OK, thank you. Bye bye.
Aunty and I walk away from each other.
We are about 5 metres apart.
Aunty shouts: Your time is now!
[Hell yes it truly is!]